So my lady friends and I got together for a late night craft party the other night. We got together to make tiny hats. There was plenty of wine and laughs to be found.
Bonus: My hat was freaking baller. I mean look at this
That's some Mad Hatter shit right there.
My friend Heather made an adorable EXTRA tiny hat.
Heather was the only one who remembered to buy hair clips, so she's the only one actually wearing hers. I didn't get any pictures of my friend Steph because by the time she got done with her hat we were all way to drunk to remember to do that.
Spending the evening with them made me realize several things. One, these ladies are very much my best friends right now in my life. Which is a little weird because they're both coworkers. Secondly, they are the first friends that I've actually realized that they really like me as a person, rather than someone who just was being nice to me because they felt sorry for me.
I've had that a lot in my life. That happened a lot in my childhood. Once, when I lived in Vermont, I had a girl who would be nice to me, but then she told me (via in a note in a Junior Mint box filled with rocks) that she never really liked me, and for me to stop talking to her because everyone else was making fun of her about it.
That one hurt. It hurt a lot. I was at a very low point in my life then. My mom and dad had just split up, my mom moved my younger brother and I from Texas to Vermont in the middle of winter. No one there liked me, and they were all very very rude. I still remember how those little shits talked to the teachers up there. That shit would NOT have happened where I was from. You just didn't do things like that. All and all, it was the worst 3 months of my entire life, and I will never get over it.
That may have been the big one, but other things like that have happened over time. I think that scarred me quite a bit. I've always had that feeling, that people aren't saying nice things because they mean them, they say them because their nice, and that's how we are here.
In Vermont, people just didn't care about your feelings, which is why no one was nice to me. Here in Texas, most people are raised to have manners and to be polite to others, so the thought of just coming out and saying horrible things to people (whether I think them or not) is really foreign to me.
Anyway, getting back on topic. I don't get that feeling from these ladies. Heather out-and-out said to me that if she didn't like me, she would not be hanging out with me. She would not have invited me to her house. That made me believe her. No one has ever put it to me like that.
So yeah, pretty much the point I'm trying to get across here, is that if anyone is reading this, and you have the same fears of rejections, come out and ask them. Think of them and how they are. Are they the type of people that would ever do that? If you know these people who are genuinely good people, do you really think that they would invite them into their life all while thinking venomous thoughts about you?
My therapist said that kind of thinking is to protect yourself. I would think that about everyone in my life (my husband included, who honestly could have left me years ago and not have felt any shame in doing so) was only trying to be nice to me because when they came out and said it, it wouldn't hurt as much.
This is one of the big things I need to work on.
No comments:
Post a Comment